So this is a little crude, but it's kind of wonderful. Emily Dickinson is one my favorite poets, and one time JV and I went to her house in Amherst and the tour guide made us read her poems aloud and I loved it. I don't think that was JV's favorite part. Here are some funny interpretations someone posted on a blog entitled the "Norton Anthology of Jealous Ass Bitches" and I've been enjoying them...thoroughly.
because i did not stop for seth
by Emily Dickinson
that f***ing asshole broke up w/ me
& now you are f***ing him or whatever
cool, i don't care i live in a big ass house
alone w/ my dad we hang out
he plays 19th century starcraft
& i cook him dainty-ass meals
i hid all of my early poems inside
my chastity belt & i fed the key
to my cat
f**k u seth & amanda no i will not go 2 ur wedding
& now you are f***ing him or whatever
cool, i don't care i live in a big ass house
alone w/ my dad we hang out
he plays 19th century starcraft
& i cook him dainty-ass meals
i hid all of my early poems inside
my chastity belt & i fed the key
to my cat
f**k u seth & amanda no i will not go 2 ur wedding
I know there are some Shakespeare lovers out there, so here's one for you.
a sonnet
by William Shakespeare
shall i kick thee in thine teeth
and snap thy neck like wheaten sheath
or perhaps a piledriver harsh
the skull now soft like Norfolk marsh
a sleeper hold or triangle choke
mine legs around thine feeble throat
kick to curse and shatter wanton bones
a man of weakness ne’er to cast stones
your life to take with violent aims and games
a hospital bed encased in plaster frames
and when the morphine drip, drips no more
i’ll be waiting at the warden’s door
a nailed bat or shining ninja star
your blood will spray to heaven stars up far
For more, including a ghetto rendition of "i like your body" originally by e.e. cummings, click here.
peace and love, bitches.
lab
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