Thursday, August 16

Fair Enough


It's been a dry summer for us, Plus1Press. Certainly for me, as I've not posted in a wicked long time. I usually tend to save things until I've got a lot to say. WELL, I fucking went to Iowa last week, so here we are!

So, I know, why go to Iowa? Welp, long story short, my in-laws live there. SECONDLY though, is the Iowa State Fair. The marketing tagline to the Iowa State Fair is, "Nothing Compares" and I'm going to probably agree with them. Think state fairs are dumb? Its all Iowa's got and they've got the market cornered on MidWest American Fair Grounds. Don't believe me? Check out their website.

Still don't believe me? How about the mayor of Des Moines, the state capital, signed a petition to POSTPONE SCHOOL so that kids can attend the fair in its entirety instead of starting school this past Monday. (Also, a lot of kids are in 4H, and most of them just don't come to school so that they can show their animals or harvest their crops...seriously)

The Sheep Barn is RIGHT NEXT TO the Grilled Lamb stand. Can't get fresher than that.
Fucking...GO TO THIS, you guys. Once in your life, at least. Its worth every minute there. The sights, the food (OH the food), and the people watching alone will amaze you. You'll last a good 5 years on stories you can tell about it before you run on fumes. Here are some of mine.

This was the pun'kin competition. Blue ribbon for best-looking and heaviest.

















This is the Double Bacon Corn Dog. We arrived at the Fair at 9AM so that we didn't have to wait in line to buy one. That's crazy, you say? Not if the line is typically over 90 minutes. FOR A CORN DOG.












This woman here is judging a these sand-filled pie plates and blueberry cartons because the category is "Food Container Bouquets". People from all over the state....making displays....in food containers.


The cages around the animals are really just suggestions. Most of the time you can get as close as you want.This sheep licked my hand and I'll never be the same again.
This is Reggie. He's 6. He's the Largest Swine. THOSE ARE HIS GOD-DAMN BALLS, YOU GUYS.
Can you see how big this warehouse is? Each one of those cages is filled with a  cow.

IS THIS NOT THE MOST PERFECT COW YOU'VE EVER SEEN?
This Badass Yet Unattractive Lady is leading the Chicken Washing & Blowdrying Demonstration.

 I don't fucking even know what was going on in this tent, but it has something to do with Knives and Hawks, both of which are bad-ass. All I can say is that I bought a SWEET AWESOME pop-gun here.


Didja know...that if you sheer sheep (as these guys are) then they get too cold and have to wear these adorable little sweaters. We steal their lamb's wool, then make them wear sweaters because they're too cold. Crazy.








These piglets were born in front of us in the Birthing Barn - a huge air-conditioned building that ironically has the cleanest bathrooms at the fair. Other animals are there just to have other animals come out of them. Baby animals,air-conditioning,clean bathrooms. Why not, right?
Oh these guys? You're welcome.

Yours Truly,
fp with some reporting from MikePirog

A Plus1Press Publication

3 comments:

  1. Wow, awesome reporting. The heartland is so strange and beautiful.
    av

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  2. "THOSE ARE HIS GOD DAMN BALLS!" LOL'ng alone in the living room losing my shit to that one. And yes that is the most perfect cow ever
    -jv

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  3. seriously just laughed my ass off. thank you. -SD

    ReplyDelete