Lars Andersen: Archer Extraordinaire

Remember When Myth Buster's Busted My Beloved Kevin Costner's Slick Split An Arrow Trick?

Enter Lars Andersen: Scholar, Bad Ass, Archer, Jumper, Expert.

Lars Andersen Began Letting Loose About Ten Years Ago. He Realized That Quivers Suck Big Time For Carrying Your Arrows Around When You're Oot And Aboot Romping Thru The Woods. He Also Noticed That Quivers Were Really Slowing Him Down And Was Like "THE FUCK???" So He Consulted Thee Book On Archery And Rediscovered The Olds Ways. G'Bye Quiver.

And That Was Not The End Of Lars Andersen's Historical Upgrades. Because Archers Of Yore Weren't Lighting Up Primary Colored Targets In The Yard The Didn't Have All The Time In The World To Get A Shot Off. Ancient Syrian Archers Were Expected To Be Able To Loose 3 Arrows In 1.5 Seconds
Chicka-Waaaaaaaaa
So Fast
My Boy Lars Andersen Lets Loose To The Tune Of 3 Arrows In .6 Seconds
AND THE CROWD GOES WILD
O M G
Back It Up And Watch It Again
O M G
He, And They, Were/Are Able To Shoot So Fast By Improving Their Efficiency. Lars Andersen Noticed That In Ancient Texts Archers Are Consistently Depicted Holding Additional Arrows In Their Shooting Hands,Effectively Turning Themselves Into Automatic Weapons. Bows And Arrows Become A Close Combat Game Changer When An Archer's Efficiency Of Movement Allows Even The Closest Target To Be Hit In The Blink Of An Eye, 3 Times.
Lars Anderson Also Noticed That Ancient Archers Shot From The Right Side Of The Bow. Again Efficiency Dictated That Arrows Were Shot From The Same Side Of The Body Where They Were Held, In Hand, At The Ready.

Lars Andersen Took The Historical Improvements And Practiced And Practiced And Mutha Fuckin' Practiced.
Practice.

LARS ANDERSEN HAD ANOTHER ARCHER SHOOT AN ARROW AT HIM AND LARS ANDERSEN SHOT THAT ARROW IN HALF WITH A BOW AND ARROW.

🐐

jv

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King Tut's Beard

The Horror!

To Where My Feelings Began; Egyptian Art Has Always Been Important To Me. Prolly Ever Since I Saw Stargate, That Shit Was/Is/Always Will Be My JAM. Hieroglyphics Are My Ol' Reliable Inspiration. As I've Gotten Older The Enduring Awesomeness Of Egyptian Art Has Been A Reliable DayDream Generator When I've Been In Times Of Need/Boredom/Awe.

My First Semester In College I Took An Art History Class. We Started From The Bottom. The Venus Of Willendorf And Onto Mesopotamia And Then Finally To The G'Damn Reason For The Season, EGYPT. The Pyramids Are Cool. Hieroglyphics Are Bomb. AND KING TUT'S DEATH MASK IS THE GREATEST SINGULAR PIECE OF ART IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY. I Had Seen The Death Mask More Times Than Counting Could Count. Everyone Has. That First Art History Class Finally Allowed Me To Feel All The Feels I Hadn't Been Able To Explore And Express And King Tut's Death Mask Was Always The Most Special To Me. Its So Fucking Dope. The Yellow Gold, His Expression,The Headdress, The Big Ol' Ears, And His Beard.

The Death Mask Is The Epitome Of Art. I Dunno If Everyone Feels This Way, I Have Great Respect For Art That Seems Beyond Me. I Love Painting And I Love Drawing, Always Tho, Because It Seems Within My Reach, They Seem Possible, I Can't Fully Give Myself Over To Them. Great Painting And Great Drawings Of Course Reach This Next Untouchable Godly Level. The Death Mask Is Godly. Its Perfect, OR AT LEAST IT WAS!

SOME MUTHA FUCKER FUCKING TOUCHING WHERE HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN TOUCHING TOUCHED THE BEARD AND TOOK IT WITH HIM REMOVED THAT SHIT FROM THE DEATH MASK AND FREAKED OUT AND GRABBED SOME EPOXY GLUE AND SQUIRTED MUTHA FUCKING GLUE ONTO THE MOST SIGNIFICANT PIECE OF ART OF ALL TIME THEN JAMMED THAT BEARD BACK ON THERE AND THEN HE NOTICED HE'D GOTTA A GLOB ON TUT'S CHEEK SO HE TOOK A SPATULA TO IT AND GOUGED THE DEATH MASK NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU CAN SEE A CLEAR YELLOW TINTED GAP BETWEEN THE BEARD AND THE CHIN WHICH IS APPARENTLY PERMANENT.

Because The Death Mask Is The Prized Jewel Of It's Museum They Are Not Letting Out Any Pictures Of The Death Mask, They Haven't Released A Statement. So This Is All Hearsay. I Hope It Is.

I Need To Travel So I Can See All My Favorite Art Before Some A-Hole Squirts Glue All Over Them

:' (

jv

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