Don't Take Your Guns To Town

I am against guns in real life. Movies, TV, Videogames, and Music aside guns are the worst. I wish no one had the right to carry around a gun. It would have sucked to have lived in the Wild West anybody could just shoot anybody whenever over anything. Guns make everyone nervous and on edge and if everyone has them any argument could end with them being used . Trayvon Martin was shot because George Zimmerman was carrying a gun around. Whatever else happened that night and however legal it will shake out to be if George Zimmerman did not have a gun on him Trayvon Martin doesn't get shot. Guns Kill People. Saying "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Is like saying "Toasters don't toast toast. Toast toast toast."

 

-jv
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Michelle Williams for President, or Best Actress, whichever.

Full disclosure, I haven't seen My Week With Marilyn, yet. But I intend to. And I'll be rooting for her come Oscar night, not just because I have faith that she knocks it out of the park as Miss Monroe, but also because I just like her. 

I didn't always like her. She was the bane of Joey Potter's life for a few years, while sporting a particularly bad haircut. However, she went out of her way to prove herself in films after D.Creek wrapped, leading to amazing films like Brokeback Mountain and Blue Valentine. 


Honestly though, it comes down to this. She has handled the loss of her child's father with so much grace that I can't help but root for her. Reporters can't help but ask about Heath and her answers will break your heart. 


Why do you keep your hair so short? - Elle UK
"I cut it for the one straight man who has ever liked short hair and I wear it in memorial of somebody who really loved it."


Do you think there was a part of you that imagined the two of you would somehow end up together? - GQ
"I said it would make me too sad to answer but it's also..."—and she nods even as her voice breaks once more with tears—"...one of my favorite things to imagine." And through the tears, a beaming, almost beatific smile stretches room-wide across her face. "It's actually one of my favorite places to visit."

I never thought I'd shed a tear over a GQ article, but damn it, Jen, you just wreck me sometimes. 


-av



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I Hate Nielsen Ratings

Let's face it, television ratings are garbage.

If you're not familiar with how Nielsen ratings work, here's a summary: Small devices, "Set Meters" are attached to TVs in "selected homes." So basically, some people have little boxes that track what is being watched on one TV in their house.

Want to know how selective that "selective homes" really is? Fortunately for you, curious reader, wikipedia has some answers. As of 2009, of the 114,500,000 U.S. television households only 25,000 total American households participated in the Nielsen daily metered system. Need a percentage? 0.02183% 


Let's round off that percentage: 0.02% of American homes are actually being tracked for these ratings.


So procedural crimes dramas and laugh track filled comedies play great to the tiny smattering of people whose opinions matter for no reason other than luck, and I'm supposed to think that's reasonable? 


It's bullshit. I want to break into every house with a set meter and break those lying sacks of trash into tiny pieces, so that quality television won't live and die by the 0.02%


And by the way, if you have a goddamn set meter, watch Parks and Rec and Community, ok? And probably don't tell me about your set meter, or I'm going to sneak into your living room and steal it. 


-av, "No Cancellation Without Representation"

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My Favorite Poem

'Nothing Gold Can Stay' by Robert Frost is my favorite poem.

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leafs a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing Gold can stay.

In The Outsiders when Johhny and Ponyboy are looking at the sunrise out the back of the church they ran off too and Johnny says the mist is gold and silver and says that he wishes it could stay that way forever then Ponybody hits him with a "Nothing Gold can stay" and Johnny is like 'whats that?' then Ponyboy drops the whole poem on him to which Johnny replies "Thats what I meant", probably my favorite page of literature ever. I love that 'Nothing Gold Can Stay' so fucking beautifully can relate that even though you wish things could stay like this forever they can't.

AND this poem rhymes, no slant rhyme or maybe that rhymes, Eight lines Four couplets. And more then rhyming it rolls off the tongue if you recite it. I fucking love this poem, its my favorite.

What's your favorite poem?

 -jv
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How I Feel About Kid Rock

I like Kid Rock. You like Kid Rock. Because everyone likes Kid Rock. Because of the song "Picture". Everyone likes the song "Picture" by Kid Rock featuring Sheryl Crow. If you do not like the song "Picture" it is because you have not heard the song "Picture" by Kid Rock featuring Sheryl Crow. And if thats the case watch the video right down there. Otherwise I like his version of Feel Like Makin' Love better. "All Summer Long" is maybe the most listen-to-able song ever. "Born Free" is a good song. On the first episode of The Sheild when Vic shoots that guy and "Bawitdaba" is playing it was definately the most intense television I had seen at that point. Because of Kid Rock. I like Kid Rock. And so do you, probably, if not watch this video of "Picture" by Kid Rock featuring Sheryl Crow.


-jv
fan
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Starbucks creates jobs, not just baristas

The chairman of Starbucks wants to support job creations. Not by opening more stores and paying college grads minimum wage to make foam, but by supporting small businesses. But how? With a pretty good plan in my humble opinion. It's called Create Jobs for USA

Americans themselves can start lending to small businesses, with Starbucks serving as the middleman. Starbucks partners with Community Development Financial Institutions, or CDFIs who are under the radar lenders, mostly non-profits with very low loan defaults. These lenders specialize in expending credit, getting paid back, and paying back investors. In other words, they are not giant loan assholes who want to ruin your life forever and never take their claws out of you.

Starbucks customers can donate money to the effort when they buy coffee. Those who give $5 or more will get a red-white-and-blue wristband. The tag line will read: "Americans Helping Americans."

The best part is that the donations aren't loaned out, but turned into equity that can be leveraged at a 7 to 1 rate. So five dollars is worth 35 dollars going to the small businesses. And Starbucks is kicking it off with a five million dollar donation.

The program starts November 1st, so after a weekend of Halloween-ing, head over and donate some change. You may be funding a totally awesome sandwich shop run by your best friends who will name a sandwich after you.

-av
Having a job enthusiast

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The Magicians on TV?!

Breaking news for all fans of Lev Grossman's "The Magicians," Fox has bought a one hour drama adaptation of the book series.

This is kind of cool, because the books are so dense you could easily get two seasons out of each book. But it's kind of weird because its on Fox...and I don't know, I just didn't see this coming. I've never even considered what the characters would look like if they were being played by actors. (Confession, when I picture most characters from books while reading, they are almost always drawings of people, not real people. Is that super weird? I think it's because of Great Illustrated Classics.)

Hopefully someone can reassure me that this will be totally sweet and they won't make everything lame, and Alice will be played by an awesome person and not a terrible 16 year old that makes me want to puke. Teenage characters should be played by actors 21 and up! Did you learn nothing from Dawson's Creek, makers of TV?

Also, what is Elliot's weird facial thing going to look like? It's always so weird when they mention it in the book, because the characters are so used to it they don't notice, but on TV it will always be there.

Basically, I'm nervous. I wish there were more details, but all I can tell you is the pilot is being written by the people who wrote X-Men: First Class and Thor, which we both pretty great, so that's reassuring.

Though this fan created t-shirt featuring the Beast is pretty sweet.

Do they wear uniforms at Brakebills? I'm sort of exited to see Brakebills.

-av
Adaptation unenthusiast
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How I Feel About Hugh Jackman

I like Hugh Jackman. His appearance on Inside the Actors Studio where he explains how he learned to sing, the time that he nailed his face on a building because his zipline wouldn't stop, and swordfish make me like him. The Wolverine movie wasn't his fault, obviously they should have taken any time period from the amazing montage and made THAT movie instead of the Gambit is horribly miscast and why does Sabertooth look like that mess they made. Kate and Leopold is an amazing movie. Real Steel, it looks bad. I will not be seeing it until its on TBS on a Saturday early afternoon. Besides the best part of Real Steel already happened anyways. Hugh Jackman went on WWE RAW to promote it and punched a wrestler right in the face. The punch doesn't look like a standard wrestling punch, he doesn't stomp his foot at all, and it turns out he might have broke the wrestler's jaw.



The best part is that for his wrestling costume Hugh Jackman definitely went with what he was wearing plus a turquoise bandanna.

-jv
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Vinny Pumps Up his Kicks

Vinny from the Jersey Shore is the luckiest guy in the world.

The cast of the Jersey Shore is pretty easy to break down. The Situation is a character same as Ronny, the muscley doofus. J-Woww used to be a fox and Snooki is a delightful mess. DJ Pauly D has a tanning bed in his house, his blowout hasn't moved for five seasons. Angelina and Sammi are real,,, real annoying. Angelina may have been the only Italian in the house other than Vinny. Deena came later and peaks every episode in the opening when she asks if we "like the boobs?"

Vinny got super lucky. He is not a character and he doesn't have a blowout. The word on the street about Vinny is that he won DJ Pauly D away from the Situation, wears Young and Reckless shirts, smiles almost constantly and direct from Snooki, he has a horsedick. Vinny is by far the most fun cast mate, DJ Pauly D obviously is my second favorite and even his beard is better looking than Ron. Vinny seems to be enjoying himself more than anyone else.

And not only when he is on the show. It seems that sometimes he gets together with his cousins and puts on a dance show. Watch out for when a cousinette in pink walks off screen to talk with her mom for a second.



-jv
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Gollum is precious...to me

Alright, I know some people hate on Gollum. MikePirog is NOT a big fan, finds him gross and thinks he's a more successful Jar Jar Binks. But allow me to tell you why i LOVE THE CRAP out of Gollum.

One night while I was walking home from Vocal Suspects practice, it was raining and damn dark and I was going from Herder to Orchard Hill (if you don't speak UMass, it was a decent distance considering it was near 11PM). I was spooked to begin with because I'm a total pussy, but then one of the trees in Haigis Hall starting rattling CRAZILY and I heard Gollum whispering, "precious....so juicy sweet..." Before I could whimper in nervousness, a dude jumps out of the tree and says, ""HAHAH, Hey, I'm just messing with you, my name's Sean."

It was an amazing freshman year kind of friendship that was fierce and then died away slowly. And his impression of Gollum was SO good. One night, we made a slideshow of images of Gollum set to the song "Foolish Games" by Jewel. I pissed my twin extra long sheets I laughed so hard.

(Gollum with Precious)



Then, before Photoshop was readily available, we would take images of Gollum and put him in funny locations (Hampshire Mall, my graduation party, the White House). We had no idea that others around the globe were doing the same thing. What I'm trying to say is that Gollum's appeal is that he is so pitiful and goofy that he can make anyone say, "What the fuck?"

So, if I were to re-create that amazing slideshow, here are the pics I'd use. (I made none of these)

p.s. when my husband wants to mess with me, he wakes me up in Gollum's voice. Its scary, trust me.


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Save Pluto

On January 19, 2006 New Horizons the NASA robotic discovery laboratory spacecraft was launched at the planet Pluto. New Horizons will be as close to Pluto as its going to get on July 14,  2015. The plan is to turn on the science five months before the closest New Horizons will get to Pluto.

On August 24, 2006 the International Astronomical Union (IAU), Mother Fuckers, decided they hated everyone and declared Pluto was no longer a planet. This accomplished nothing and wrecked the mnemonic planet thing.  My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas became My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nothing, the IAU suck.

If  the IAU had waited for New Horizons to be five months away from Pluto and had revved up the science and realized that Pluto was in no way at all like any other planet even a little bit things would be different. Because that was the plan, to go out where nobody had gone before and learn a bunch of new and interesting things about Pluto. Mother Fuckers jumped the gun.

Pluto is a planet until at least Valentine's Day 2015.


Also, if anything let's loosen up the definition of a planet. We should have Ceres, Eris, and Makemake. We should add them because it is better to have a planet named Makemake.

-jv
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Gertrude Stein

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On my recent trip to San Francisco I visited SFMoMA  and toured the private collection of Gertrude Stein which was on special exhibit. I am now convinced that living as an ex-pat in Paris with one's lover, eating good food, drinking good wine, schmoozing with Picasso, Matisse, Cezanne, and Hemingway is the life. I aspire to be Gertrude Stein. baller.

-KZ

Adam Levine's Greatest Hits

Adam Levine is a sex machine. Obviously.  I heard Harder to Breathe  in high school and have loved every song with Adam Levine since. Because every song with Adam Levine is at least awesome and most are amazing.

Kiwi is ridiculous. The whole album "It won't be soon before long" is WICKED FUCKING GOOD, Kiwi is the best song on it. Kiwi is the sexiest song I have ever heard.


 I Can't Lie from Hand's All Over is an almost perfect song. Right from the beginning Adam Levine comes in and immediately starts singing better than almost anyone else can. And then the song just keeps getting better.


Stereo Hearts is the kind of infectious immediately stuck in your head and you love every second of it song that Adam Levine is constantly a part of. When Adam Levine sings he just fucking kills it every time, which I appreciate. 


These are my favorite Adam Levine songs right now this morning at any other point it could have been any of the million singles from Songs about Jane or Hands all Over or even "Moves Like Jagger"  which is an awesome song even though it is a little silly and it got pulled into the downward spiral that was Christina Aguilera's wardrobe during The Voice, she looked awful all season.
-jv
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Giving money to poor people

The NY Times blog posted this yesterday and I thought it was worth sharing. The post highlights a new charitable donation organization, GiveDirectly, that allows donors to give money directly to the people they want to help. Rather than donating to an organization that will spend the money on projects that will take time to complete, if they get completed, while also covering overhead costs, thus cutting down on the money that actually ends up making a difference to the cause you want to help, with GiveDirectly 90% of your donation will be available to a person in need almost instantaneously.

Here's how GiveDirectly puts it, "GiveDirectly allows you to send money directly to the poor. We locate impoverished households in Kenya and then transfer donations electronically to their mobile phones. Our goal is simple: to provide the most efficient, transparent, and respectful way to give."


But what if they spend it on cigarettes or alcohol? They can spend the money that way. But research shows* that "temptation spending" doesn't go up in the households that receive funding. Mostly spend it on health fees, education costs, food, shelter, or starting a small business. The benefactors are interviewed prior to being set up to receive donations, so there is some screening going on to ensure that your money goes to someone who will use it well.  


So maybe you aren't into charitable donations at this point because you're up to your ears in student loans. That's fine. But someday after you've won the lottery, gone to Disney World, bought a few houses, and raced through a toy store with a shopping cart madly piling up everything you can reach because you're giving yourself that shopping spree you never won on Nickelodeon, you may want to give a little back. Here's one option. Or just buy some Toms. Whatever you're into. 

-av
Junior I-Get-Tricked-Into-Helping-People Liaison

*I did not do this research and I haven't seen it. I read that in the article. Grain of salt added.
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You should be following @VeryShortStory

-jv

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Google+

I'm ready to get excited about Google+
Its the new social network that Google is about to launch.

Some things that Google+ has promised to have:
1. "circles" so that I can group my friends, maybe I can do this on Facebook, I don't though
2. "sparks" which seems to be like your interests on Facebook only Google+ uses your sparks to suggest things to check out that they know you will like
3. "huddle" which seems like a way to have a google group chat

Unfortunately the doors on Google+ are closed right now. You can get on the wait list here and then check out this breakdancing gorilla while we wait to get invited into the cool kid club.

-jv
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I Won't Be Seeing Green Lantern

I like Ryan Reynolds. I think he is very funny in Waiting and Van Wilder. And I thought he was really cool in his tough sarcastic way in Blade: Trinity and Wolverine, and I think that the Deadpool movie will be really cool.

I do not think that Green Lantern looks good. I wanted it to, I wish it did, it does not. This morning I was looking for a new preview something that would show me anything to push me over the top to wanting to see it, because I was close, I like Ryan Reynolds.

Instead I found this trailer that makes the damn thing look even worse.



I'm sure Ryan Reynolds next movie will be great, Green Lantern looks pretty awful though.


-jv

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Why I Love MTV and you should too.

This morning I have been watching AMTV. Its where MTV still shows videos other than MTV Jams and MTV Hits. MTV still plays music videos and lots of them they just also give us amazing shows like The Jersey Shore and Fantasy Factory, which got Big back this season and is the best show on television right now. I wish MTV would bring back MTV News and put it on for an hour at 7 and go head to head with E! News, I'd DVR both and love it.

Also, Lil Wanye's new song is not at all what I expected and I love it.


-jv

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Great Television

I love television and I've been a fan since Sesame street and Barney. But as times have changed so has my taste for quality television. I follow this podcast called The Nerdist which stars stand up comedian Chris Hardwick and his two friends, Matt and Jonah, as they discuss nerd society and all things related to that. They have had great guests in the past (Joel McHale, Donald Glover, Colin Hanks, Kevin Smith, Jimmy Fallon, etc.) but I bring it up because of episode # 85 starring Damon Lindelof. Damon Lindelof, for those not in the know, executive produced Lost and wrote the Star Trek movie. The conversation that takes place is great for any of us who have wondered what the fate of television is going to be in regards to the new Kevin Spacey series on Netflix and google tv being launched and what our society has become in regards to ingesting entertainment. Also if your a fan of Lost it is great for that too. This podcast is amazing and free, check it out.

 - sf

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Most Adorable Puppy Ever

Klein family's new puppy Morocco aka Rocco and Mo Rocca. I'm obsessed.
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