Thursday, November 12

Star Wars Aftermath : Journey to the Force Awakens - Detailed Synopsis

The new Star Wars movie, The Force Awakens is coming out in just over a month and the good news is you don't even have to wait that long to get new cannon Star Wars content into your life. JV can talk to you for several hours about Star Wars Rebels on DisneyXD or your other options. There is also a new book that is officially cannon. If you don't have time to read a book, good old news, I already did and I took very detailed notes. Enjoy.


Aftermath by Chuck Wendig


Wedge Antilles - Rebel Alliance Pilot, on a solo scouting mission of the Outer Rim, looking for Empire shadiness

Norra Sussex/Wexley - Rebel Pilot for the past three years, returning to her home planet, Akiva.

Temmin Wexley - Norra's son, on his own for three years. Runs a junk shop as a cover for his treasure shop.

Sinjir Rath Velus - formerly of empire, currently AWOL.

Jas Emari - bounty hunter previously worked for empire now works for rebels.

Rae Sloan - empire admiral, trying to be more.

Admiral Ackbar - Rebel/New Republic Admiral

Moff Valco Pandion - empire big, making a grab for power.

General Jylia Shale - empire big old lady powerful.

Arsin Crassus - rich empire ally, big merchant.

Adviser Yupe Tashu - empire big, close to Palpataine

Jom Barell - Sergeant Major in Special Ops for New Republic

Surat Nuat - biggest gangster on Akiva


Wedge Antilles is flying along through the Outer Rim, disguised as a smuggler, hoping to find some foothold of the Empire. So far he’s found nothing. Enters the air space over Akiva and tries to send out a message, but there is a comm blackout, which makes him suspicious. Then two Star Destroyers appear and knows something is wrong. One of the ships hails him. He gives them his smugglers credentials and tried to move away, but is stuck in a tractor beam. He considers firing on the shuttle, but the woman in the ship says if he fires, they will vaporize him before he can break free. So he let’s himself get drawn in. Once he is inside the ship, he slips out a side door and the rigged torpedos go off, killing some stormtroopers and making a distraction so he can get away unnoticed, at first. He makes his way to the Comm station and manages to get half a message out locally, only, that he is there and is on an empire ship. Then he is found, by Rae Sloan, the woman from the shuttle and captured.

Rae Sloan is an Empire Admiral. She appears to have two star destroyers under her control. She has arranged an important meeting with several bigs of the Empire on Akiva and doesn’t want anything to go wrong. They are due to arrive soon, so she sedates the prisoner and heads to the meeting place, the Satarap’s palace.

Norra Sussex, who is now going by her married name, Wexley, is trying to get home to Akiva, on board a smugglers ship, Owerto. When they enter the airspace, they are caught in the blockade. Owerto asks Norra to man the guns, but she tells him to do the guns, she’ll fly. SHe flew for the rebels, and was in the second death star battle and still gets nightmares, but she is a good flyer. She gets them to the surface, and after making a deal that the smuggler will get her and her son, Temmin, out, she heads to the city to find her son.

Temmin is in his junk shop playing board games with a repurposed torture droid. Customers enter, but they aren’t customers, they are thugs, sent by gangster Surat Nuat, Sullstan. Temming stole something from one of Surat’s ships that had crashed, and the thugs have come to bring in the boy and the stolen goods, by any means neccesary. He activates his refurbished battle droid, Mister Bones, and starts to fight back. At the last minute, he is saved by another person coming into the shop and stunning the thugs, it’s Norra. Norra wants to take Temmin away, but he is mad at her for leaving for three years and has made a life for himself that he doesn’t want to leave. He shows her the hidden basement room where he keeps all the good stuff. She takes him by surprise and sedates him, and brings him to Owerto’s ship. But it’s been overun by stormtroopers and Owerto is dead. When Temmin wakes up, he comes up with a plan to get them out of there. They escape on a stolen speeder and split up, agreeing to meet at Norra’s sister’s house. Norra goes there, but Temmin doesn’t return. She realizes he probably went to his shop to get his things and was captured by the thugs still looking for him. She goes there, but he is already gone, snatched up like she feared. She corners the last thugs and demands to know where he is.

Jas Emari is a bounty hunter, on Akiva to kill Arsin Crassus, a rich merchant allied with the Empire, and collect a hefty bounty. She is up on a tower, with the landing pad of the Satarap’s palace in view and in range of her modified blaster. She has him in her sights, when she realizes something fishy is going on. More ships are arriving. She decides to wait. Three more Empire bigs, with even bigger bounties arrive. rather than kill one and make the others scatter she decides to retreat and find a way to bring them all down. She zip lines away from her hiding place, but is spotted by the last to arrive, Rae Sloan, still in a shuttle. Rae shoots at the tower that is holding the zipline, to take down Jas, but Jas manages to land. Jas’ blaster is broken so she goes to Temmin’s shop, knowing he will have the parts she needs. He isn’t there and she passes out from her injuries and is found by the Surat Nuat, who knows she is a bounty hunter who has changes sides. He takes her with him, so he can sell her to the empire.

Sinjir Rath Velus is drinking in a cantina on Akiva. He likes this bar because there is a sign that says “No imperials.” He used to be one, but since Endor, he’s been on the run, disguised as a rebel, keeping his head down and drinking himself into numbness. Another customer, a Twi’lek, gets his attention and shows him a holovid of Princess Leia, saying that the New Republic is defeating the Empire and the people of the galaxy should raise up against the Empire now. This attracts the attention of a group of imperials, including two stormtroopers. The bartender tries to get them to leave, but instead they pick a fight with Sinjir’s Twi’lek companion. Sinjir decides to fight back and takes out all the Imperials. He and the Twi’lek run. They need to get off the planet, but because of the blockade, the only way out is through criminals, so they head to the biggest gangster in town, Surat Nuat. They wait for Surat at his bar and see him enter with his thugs and Jas, captured. Sinjir recoginzes Jas from Endor. They met in the woods and had a moment and then moved on. He is inspired to try to save her. He tries to buy her from Surat, who eventually figures out that he is probably an Empire traitor, so Sinjir is also captured.

Jas and Sinjir are being held in cages below the bar, but Jas manages to pick the lock and break free. Sinjir convinces her to take him with her, he will help her with collect the bounties. She agrees, but on their way out of the club they see Temmin being threatened by Surat, who says he will have the boy’s tongue cut out. Jas needs him to fix her gun, so they free Temmin and take him with them. They attract notice trying to get out of the bar and find themselves under attack by the gangsters and the stormtroopers, criminals and the empire working side by side. Mister Bones shows up and puts a world of hurt on the stormtroopers and Norra appears on a bala-bala and gets the whole crew out of their and back to her sister’s house.

The first day of the Empire summit is not going well. Moff Valco Pandion wants the empire to take their remaining fleet and attack immediately. General Jylia Shale wants to make a truce with the New Republic for now, so they can slowly gain control again. Arsin Crassus is convinced the deep pockets of the Empire can save them, they can just buy whatever they need. Adviser Yupe Tashu thinks the Empire should retreat to the far coners of the universe and seek out the source of the Dark Side of the Force’s power. This the power they’ll need to take control again. Rae is constantly attacked by Pandion for withholding the star destroyer fleets, but she is exercising caution in inciting a battle. It’s unclear what end she is hoping for, other than for the Empire to be strong again. She is working with some unknown people who have a plan she isn’t revealing.

Ackbar is informed that Wedge has not checked in. They know where he was but not where he most recently jumped to. Fearing the worst but wanting to be cautious, they send ships to each of the six planets he could be on, and two to Akiva because of some other information they have. The two form Akiva do not come back. So Ackbar sends a droid probe. The ship stays out of the Akiva airpace, so they can communicate and they send a droid probe closer to Akiva to see what’s happening. The droid see no activity. A shadowy figure, the Operator, who is a rebel spy deep in the Empire, says this is because of a comm blackout and blockade enforced by the empire to shield a summit. Ackbar send a special ops force of 6 soldiers to drop into Akiva.

Norra walks in on Sinjir and Jas planning their attack on the palace, soon Temmin joins them. Norra had heard Wedge’s local distress call and figures he is also being held in the palace. They all agree to storm the palace and attempt to take out the Empire bigs and rescue Wedge. In the first phase of the plan Sinjir, Temmin and Mister bones break into a comm station that Temmin’s father, a rebel arrested by the empire three years ago used to use to broadcast rebel Propoganda and messages. They have put together a holovid of Norra saying that a big empire meeting is happening at the palace right now and also stage Sinjir as a stormtrooper shooting Temmin in the back. They broadcast the holovid all over Akiva, inciting a revolt.  

TIE fighters show up at the comm station and knock out the antennae and then try to shoot Sinjir and Temmin who are on the roof. Norra flies up in a stolen TIE fighter and blasts the other two out of the sky, so Sinjir and Temmin can escape. Norra keeps flying to the palace where she hopes to take out all of the shuttles, so they can’t fly away. She is under attack but manages to crash the fighter onto the landing pad, destroying the shuttles and emergency ejects.

Rae is having a bad morning. The rebel special ops team flew in. 5 were blasted out of the air on their way down, but one may have made it. PLus there is the video that was broadcast over Akiva. Now the shuttles have been destroyed and the power flickered, giving Wedge Antilles a chance to escape his bondage. He is missing. Rae’s assistant Anda find’s Wedge in the secret passage he found and attempts to capture him but he overpowers her and takes her holoscreen. He is able to send a message to the alliance before he passes out and is recaptured by Rae. Deciding the meeting is over, Rae calls for Arsin to bring his yacht in so they can escape, but it’s going to be at least an hour and a mob is forming in front of the palace. Rae orders the start destroyer fleets to Akiva to provide cover and an escape. She gets a message from Surat Nuat.

Ackbar gets the message from wedge and sends a fleet to Akiva. Sergeant major Jom Barell, the special ops soldier who survived the drop onto Akiva is making his way around town, with a broken arm and no rifle. He sees that a TIE fighter was shot out of the sky on approach to the palace and decides he wants to take the cannon so he take out the palace or any ships that try to leave. He gets to the turbolaser and overpowers the soldier inside, but breaks the control panel in the tussle and has to fix it before it will fire again. He is unable to take down the approaching yacht before it lands.

Jas meets up with Temmin and Sinjir at a bar after fixing her gun. She is afraid Norra is dead, but Norra shows up. They move on to phase two. Temmin goes to get his maps of the underground tunnels below the city and meets everyone else at the shop. He brings the box he stole from the Surat and Jas helps him pick the lock. Inside are data cubes, Temmin is disappointed but Jas says she’ll help him sell them and he perks up. The group makes their way into the catacombs. Temmin is nervous and says that the droid factory they have to pass is haunted. Sinjir suspects that Temmin is hiding something but he’s not sure what. Suspecting is has to do with the droid factory, he baits Temmin throwing rocks at it. This wakes up the inhabitants of the abandonned factory, Qu’leens, a humaniod race of cave dweelers who apparently live there en masse. The group runs, while jas provides cover but she can’t stop them all. Temmin sets off a box of blasters to barricade against them. It works but with all the blasters gone they can no longer blast into the palace. Sinjir offers to goes to the surface and make his way to the palace as an imperial offering a way out for the the bigs through the tunnels and leading their bounties straight to them. While Jas, Temmin and Norra wait on the other side of the sealed door, Temmin is nervous and Norra wants to ask what’s wrong, when she hears stormtroopers coming. They are ambushed and captured by Rae.

Brought into the palace and handcuffed, they are joined by Sinjir who has also been beaten and handcuffed. As Norra is restrained, Temmin says “Let my mom, my droid and me go.” It is revealed that Temmin tried to cut a deal with Surat and he is the one who sold out of the group, not Sinjir. Rae says temmin can leave, but no one else. When Temmin tries to fight back, Mister Bones is taken out by the stormtroopers surrounding them. Now Rae say Temmin can leave, by way of the roof. Norra tries to fight and is knocked out. Temmin fights but is thrown off the roof, fortunately, the mob that has formed catches him and he is ok. He sees the prisoners and the empire leaders out on the landing pad and starts to climb up the wall to get back to them.

Rae, with the empire leaders, and all the prisoners, including Wedge go out to the landing pad to meet Arsin’s yacht. Everyone boards, and as they fly away, Temmin pole vaults on to the ship and makes his way in through a window, where he is met by stormtroopers, While trying to escape them, the ship takes fire to its midsection. Jom got the cannon to work finally.  The front and rear seal off from the breach and Temmin makes his way to the rear section. Temmin finds Norra, Jas and Sinjir bound and captive with Pandion, Tashu and Shale. Pandion starts a fight with Sinjir and is surprised to find that Sinjir is no longer bound. Temmin has been releasing them one by one. In the front of the shuttle Rae and her captain notice that New Republic ships have arrived, they try to get to a star destroyer before they are completely blown up. The shuttle crash lands and Rae gets away in another ship.

Norra wakes up in the rubble. Arsin is dead, Tashu and Shale have been captured by Jas. Temmin is sent to get Wedge out of the rubble. Norra tells Jas to take the remaining bounties to collect her reward with Sinjir, Temmin and Wedge on a stolen shuttle. Norra grabs a TIE Fighter to join the battle that is raging.

Pandion is on Rae's shuttle with a blaster. He wants control of the Star Destroyers. Rae says she is not in control. "There is...another" "You don't mean" "I do mean. He's not dead" "You said he was." "I lied" Rae tells him she's going to take his ship the Vanquish then shoots him and kicks him out of the cockpit. She has the captain begin the detachment sequence so they can escape and the rebels will explode the shop, killing Pandion. The rebels win and Norra is in an explosion.

Norra wakes up from a coma a month later and is given a medal and job offer. Norra, Temmin, Jas, Sinjir and Jom are off on a mission to hunt down Imperial war criminals.

Rae is back with her shadowy adviser, on the bridge of a the Ravager, another Star destroyer, wondering if it was all a trap. He says it was a test. Rae thinks it may have a been a plan to take out the competition. He tells her if she hadn’t survived she wouldn’t have passed the test and been who he thought she was. She's his best and brightest. The rest were too weak. We need to get rid of those who want the old ways, it's time to move forward.


-Coruscant - Mob pulling down Palpataine statue gets attacked by Imperials, a father Rorak gives his son, Jak a rock to throw, realizing that the war that has been going on for his whole life is still going on and he coudn’t protect his son from it, but maybe his son’s children will know peace.

-Saleucami - Taffrail family dinner, father and two sons. Webb, Imperial son sells out Dav, rebel son, father helps Dav escape

- Chandrilla - holovid reporter, Tracene is standing with New Republic’s PR person, Olia to do an interview n front of the place where the new senate will be meeting.

- Naalol - Chancellor Mon Mothma walks among the rubble of a town and says she is going to relinquish power of military and go back to council rule. One adviser agrees, the other does not.

- Uyter - A bus of kids heading to stormtroopers academy but it's been burned down, rebels tell them to go home or go to new academy, Rebel version, main kid Pade decides to go to the New Republic’s school

- Chandrilla, again - Tracene’s interview is interrupted by a lone protester. His planet is overrun with pirates now that the imperial forces retreated. PR person makes him a senate rep for his planet. At the end a parade of imperial prisoners is being matched through town and PR runs off to intervene.

- Coronet City, Corellia - Fight between Dengar and Mercurial Swift, both bounty hunters. Dengar wants Swift to join up with him form a union, Swift likes to go it alone. Days of the bounty hunters are numbered in the New Republic. Swift wins and walks away.

-Sevarcos - Trio of slaves in the midst of an Imperial-Rebel battle, wookie Greybok only has one arm. Rebels are losing. Wookie releases large angry creatures, rebels win, slaves are free

-Taris - Red lightsaber demonstration. Ooblamon the Kubaz is saying it’s Vader's sword. Three Acolytes of the Beyond are watching. They buy it so they can destroy it and it can be returned to it’s master in death

-Hyperspace - Han and Chewie, going to Dassor, a lawless slaving planet. Han goes in disguise to find Empire supply lines, Chewie stays with the falcon. They get a holovid from Imra. Picture of Chewie’s home planet Kashyyyk. There's a window of opportunity while the ships are gone and not replaced. Han decides to abandon his alliance mission and free the wookies

- Coruscant, again - Jak's birthday. His father is dead now. He saved a scumlord's woman and she gave him a card. He brings the card to Talvee Chawin aka Thorn to exchange for a weapon. Thorn tells him he'll have to join the team, Jak agrees. He's hoping to knock out the empire's power and kill Commander Orkin Kaw.

-Theed, Naboo - A redhead with a cleft palate, Iggs, an orphan in the Anklebiter Brigade on Coruscant. Being paraded in front of adoptive parents with friend, Streaks. Decides he'll never get adopted and runs away back to the sewers

-Tatooine: Adwin Charu is haggling unsuccessfully with jawas til local Cobb Vanth comes by and offers to help. Gets Adwin to the back room and figures out he's from a "mining company" and shoots him and sends him back to tell his slimy boss to stay the hell off of Tatooine. Cobb takes the full armor suit Adwin was eyeing and says he’s Sheriff Vanth now.

-Bespin Cloud City - A wealthy guy's house is being broken into. He's loyal to the empire. Rebels break in wanting access to his control panel, he refuses to help, so they tie him up.

- Jakku - Corwin Ballast is on this planet because it's dead, like his daughter and his wife. Not a rebel or an imperial just a man without hope, drinking in a bar with only one drink.

- Chandrilla, third time. Olia asks the man leading the procession of prisoners what he's doing. Sends him away. Tracene tells her she's doing a good job. Olia says the republic won't always be right but they must always try to do right and listen.

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Tuesday, January 27

Lars Andersen: Archer Extraordinaire

Remember When Myth Buster's Busted My Beloved Kevin Costner's Slick Split An Arrow Trick?

Enter Lars Andersen: Scholar, Bad Ass, Archer, Jumper, Expert.

Lars Andersen Began Letting Loose About Ten Years Ago. He Realized That Quivers Suck Big Time For Carrying Your Arrows Around When You're Oot And Aboot Romping Thru The Woods. He Also Noticed That Quivers Were Really Slowing Him Down And Was Like "THE FUCK???" So He Consulted Thee Book On Archery And Rediscovered The Olds Ways. G'Bye Quiver.

And That Was Not The End Of Lars Andersen's Historical Upgrades. Because Archers Of Yore Weren't Lighting Up Primary Colored Targets In The Yard The Didn't Have All The Time In The World To Get A Shot Off. Ancient Syrian Archers Were Expected To Be Able To Loose 3 Arrows In 1.5 Seconds
So Fast
My Boy Lars Andersen Lets Loose To The Tune Of 3 Arrows In .6 Seconds
Back It Up And Watch It Again
He, And They, Were/Are Able To Shoot So Fast By Improving Their Efficiency. Lars Andersen Noticed That In Ancient Texts Archers Are Consistently Depicted Holding Additional Arrows In Their Shooting Hands,Effectively Turning Themselves Into Automatic Weapons. Bows And Arrows Become A Close Combat Game Changer When An Archer's Efficiency Of Movement Allows Even The Closest Target To Be Hit In The Blink Of An Eye, 3 Times.
Lars Anderson Also Noticed That Ancient Archers Shot From The Right Side Of The Bow. Again Efficiency Dictated That Arrows Were Shot From The Same Side Of The Body Where They Were Held, In Hand, At The Ready.

Lars Andersen Took The Historical Improvements And Practiced And Practiced And Mutha Fuckin' Practiced.




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Saturday, January 24

King Tut's Beard

The Horror!

To Where My Feelings Began; Egyptian Art Has Always Been Important To Me. Prolly Ever Since I Saw Stargate, That Shit Was/Is/Always Will Be My JAM. Hieroglyphics Are My Ol' Reliable Inspiration. As I've Gotten Older The Enduring Awesomeness Of Egyptian Art Has Been A Reliable DayDream Generator When I've Been In Times Of Need/Boredom/Awe.

My First Semester In College I Took An Art History Class. We Started From The Bottom. The Venus Of Willendorf And Onto Mesopotamia And Then Finally To The G'Damn Reason For The Season, EGYPT. The Pyramids Are Cool. Hieroglyphics Are Bomb. AND KING TUT'S DEATH MASK IS THE GREATEST SINGULAR PIECE OF ART IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY. I Had Seen The Death Mask More Times Than Counting Could Count. Everyone Has. That First Art History Class Finally Allowed Me To Feel All The Feels I Hadn't Been Able To Explore And Express And King Tut's Death Mask Was Always The Most Special To Me. Its So Fucking Dope. The Yellow Gold, His Expression,The Headdress, The Big Ol' Ears, And His Beard.

The Death Mask Is The Epitome Of Art. I Dunno If Everyone Feels This Way, I Have Great Respect For Art That Seems Beyond Me. I Love Painting And I Love Drawing, Always Tho, Because It Seems Within My Reach, They Seem Possible, I Can't Fully Give Myself Over To Them. Great Painting And Great Drawings Of Course Reach This Next Untouchable Godly Level. The Death Mask Is Godly. Its Perfect, OR AT LEAST IT WAS!


Because The Death Mask Is The Prized Jewel Of It's Museum They Are Not Letting Out Any Pictures Of The Death Mask, They Haven't Released A Statement. So This Is All Hearsay. I Hope It Is.

I Need To Travel So I Can See All My Favorite Art Before Some A-Hole Squirts Glue All Over Them

:' (


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Sunday, March 2

Oscar Predictions 2K14

Back by request, here are my oscar predictions!

This year, I'm only gonna pick 8 categories that I think are impossibly close and have those as my dark horse picks, instead of all 24. Still trying to beat my record from three years ago of 22 for 24.

This is by far the best oscar race in years, in at least over a decade. As opposed to other years, maybe only five or six categories are really definite. Everything from the best picture battle (Will it be a panic induced throttle into our future in space or a bleak look into a stain in our national past) to the best live short film (all nominees are completely different genres from all over the globe), will basically be up for grabs!

But in the end, I think Gravity will take home the most awards. It will win the technical categories easily, as well as pick up a much overdue Best Cinematography Oscar for Emmanuel Lubezki (Chivo) who has been nominated five times in the last 17 years, and was completely snubbed two years ago for "Tree of Life". Short of Scorcese and his editor Thelma Schoonmaker, Lubezki's collaboration with Alfonso Cuaron is my favorite duo in film and look for them to both take home the golden guy tonight.

But the race between 12 Years and Gravity will come down to Academy voters splitting their votes and giving 12 Years the big award and Best Director to Cuaron.

Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave
   Dark Horse: Gravity

Best Director: Alfonso Cuaron 

Best Actor: Matthew McCanaughey
    Dark Horse: Leonardo Dicaprio

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett
    Dark Horse: Amy Adams

Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto

Best Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong'o
     Dark Horse: Jennifer Lawrence

Best Original Screenplay: Her
     Dark Horse: American Hustle

Best Adapted Screenplay: 12 Years a Slave

Best Cinematography: Emmanuel Lubezki 

Best Production Design: Great Gatsby

Best Documentary Feature: 20 Feet from Stardom/
     Dark Horse: Act of Killing

Best Documentary Short: The Lady in Number 6

Best Foreign Film: The Great Beauty

Best Animated Film: Frozen

Best Live Short Film: The Voorman Problem

Best Animated Short Film: Get a Horse

Best Editing: Captain Phillips
     Dark Horse: Gravity

Best Sound Mixing: Gravity

Best Sound Editing: Gravity

Best Costume: Great Gatsby
     Dark Horse: American Hustle

Best Hair/Make Up: Dallas Buyers Club

Best Original Score: Gravity

Best Original Song: "Let it Go"

Best Visual Effects: Gravity

-AM Film

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Thursday, December 5

This is an interactive whale.

Pretty much self-explanatory. Be careful, you might waste hours playing with this.


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Thursday, August 15


Hey y'all,

sorry to plug my own product for the moment, but
a) i think it's pretty cool
b) you could be part of a national movement.

so, yeah.

Billy Shakes is a fictional milkshake shop with a very real and very awesome teeshirt/mascot, which is a picture of William Shakespeare that I copied, pasted into Microsoft Word, and onto which I drew a milkshake. You can see it illustrated on my friend Cam's shirt below (I am pointing at it):

Me and Billy (kid on the right, the co-founder of Billy Shakes) are selling them for $15 a pop. No worries, I won't be offended or cry if none of y'all want one, just figured i'd put it in all the places that I know the hip kids hang out....


Just know that a Billy Shakes shirt today may mean a free milkshake tomorrow!!! or something dramatic like that!

thanks erryone and if nothing else just tell yer frandz about it and spread it around, any color is available as long as it's sold at Wal-Mart or Michael's so the sky's the limit. Except heather gray. Fuck heather gray.

Peace Love Billy Shakes,


Thursday, June 13

Mad Mad Mad Mad Men

Thank Netflix for Netflix. I mean, how else would I be able to catapult myself into Mad Men being 5 Seasons behind. 5 Seasons, y'all! And now I'm caught up. And so's MikePirog. And we're loving it.

Coming from NJ and having HBO, we are both long time fans of The Sopranos and recently watched the entire series over again and I swear on all that is good and holy, if Mad Men ends in the same way I will hurl my dog at the TV. Suffice it to say though, I've learned to become a VERY careful watcher of TV shows by Matt Weiner because this dude LOVES DETAILS. The significance of Tony Soprano eating oranges is not lost on me. (Its partly a shout out to the Godfather, which was shouting out the troubled Medici family of Renaissance Florence)

Enough of this. There's a shit ton of Mad Men theories flying around right now.
Such as, Megan is already dead, Megan is GOING to die, the COUNTLESS Bob Benson options,

So here's my 2 cents:

1. I'm NOT giving up on the Dante connection. We open the season with Don on a beach (paradise) reading about Hell (Dante).

But, Dante is going through Hell to come out on the other side and find his Beloved Beatrice. Don loves no one, really. And belongs in almost every level of Hell except murderers, maybe? If Don's going to die (or get to heaven) he's got to endure a crapton, or have a Virgil by his side to guide him?

2. Pete's going to die.
What does Pete have left? His mom who hates him (Because he really is a twerp, I mean...)? His wife who keeps his daughter away from his philandering? His shitty brother? He's got Peggy. And Peggy knows she deserves better.

There's that old quote from Chekhov, "If there'a a gun on the wall in the first act, it's GOT to go off in the second act.".....

Campbell loves that rifle. Because he bought it in defiance of Trudy to show that he's a man and he can buy whatever he wants because he's a man. And Bob Benson's leg nudge was totally about manhood, right? Maybe Pete's manhood is called into question or threatened....Either way, that things going off.

3. I want Peggy and Stan to be BFFs forever. Like....forever. I want them in character, hosting the Golden Globes next year.

There's even a tumblr for it. Also, I wish I was close enough to a dude that we could have a code phrase meaning, "somebody's in my bed right now."
Also, sidenote - is Jay R. Ferguson Ron Swanson's little brother?

Sorry, I got lost in Stan Rizzo's blue blue eyes, I gotta go.

Enjoy y'all, happy watching.


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